I'll Get Scared Too - One shot 3 of 4
by ColdSideOfTheWorld
Summary: "So your taking these pills to fill up your soul and your drinking them down with cheap alcohol, and I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking and part of this terrible mess your making, but me, I'm the catalyst" -Anna Nalick – Catalyst


_**I've been struggling with my creative side lately and to possibly write something more cheerful or happy, but I can't for the life of me do it. I guess I'm leaking anger or something. This is another one-shot, in the series of Angela and Tommy.  
Have to put a warning on this, it's some serious anger, dark subjects like domestic violence, alcohol abuse and mental abuse. It's rated M for these purposes alone.  
If you don't like this type of stuff, please don't read it. You have been warned.**_

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_"So your taking these pills to fill up your soul and your drinking them down with cheap alcohol, and I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking and part of this terrible mess your making, but me, I'm the catalyst"_  
_-Anna Nalick – Catalyst_

The alcohol or drunken nights helping Tommy get to bed never bothered Angela, she had done it with her sister when she was drugged out, so she was used to it.  
What did bother her was the constant jealousy that came spewing from Tommy, it had been two months now since his father's funeral and here they where still arguing about the same damn shit they did before he died, like nothing with Tommy had changed, like he had gotten worse, raising his voice louder at Angela when she tried finding her high heels: -"You wanna look like a fucking whore" he hissed, going after her into the bathroom.

This was her job she was a bartender, of course she had to dress for the part, how else would she pay for the bills of their current home if she didn't put on a bit of make-up, high heels and a short skirt. Tommy was furious, so angry that if she ever protested against him, she was sure that he'd hit her and not regret it.

-"Answer me" he yelled by the door frame, resting his heavy body against it in a matter that could break the door.  
Angela didn't, she continued putting on her lipstick focusing on her breathing, her own temper was no better than Tommy's, one wrong word from him and she'd be on him like flies on shit. –"Don't fucking bother coming home tonight" he hissed, angry and drunk like always, Angela feared he'd take it out on little Tessa who was running into their bathroom clutching onto your leg.  
-"Auntie, where are you going?"  
-"To whore herself off " Tommy yelled out slamming the bathroom door, leaving Tessa shaking by Angela's leg, looking up at her aunt.

–"You know the rules, puppet" Angela smiled, kneeling down giving her the lipstick,  
-"Don't listen to uncle Tommy when he's been drinking"  
Tessa nodded her head and sat down on the bathroom floor drawing on herself, Angela smiled down at her, -"Off to bed before eight, alright"  
The little girl seemed a bit too preoccupied going through the rest of Angela's make-up bag to notice her, so she just left it, knowing that Tommy might take care of her.

Angela took her purse off the toilet seat, staggering up on her high pumps, walking through the door not seeing Tommy, he must have gone out or something, this made Angela worry, she needed this job, she needed the money to pay for the house mortgage that had been piling up.

Walking down the stairs, holding onto the railing of the staircase she saw him leaning against the kitchen counter with another beer looking more pissed off. Tommy's anger was always on display, but sometimes he would take it to extremes, like now.

-"Tessa is upstairs, in the bathroom, she might need a bath after" Angela put her purse down, taking out twenty bucks, putting them on the counter, -"It's more in the cookie jar if you need them for pizza, don't let her stay up to late"

Tommy looked over at her, -"You don't understand it do you, what you're doing here, how your humiliating me"  
Angela shook her head, taking a deep breath, pulling the strap of her purse over her shoulder

–"I'm trying to take care of you both, seeing that you can't work as well as this house, have you seen the bills?"

-"So you think strutting yourself off like a whore is the best way to do it?" His voice was harsh; she knew he only called her a whore to hurt her.

Angela stepped away, moving for the door when he snapped at her again, slamming the bottle of the beer against the counter.  
-"Don't you fucking dare walk out that door, Angela" he yelled so loudly that it made her skin crawl, it was fear this time, she stopped in her tracks, turning her head to him, only to feel his hand grabbing a sharp hold of the back of her hair and dragging her back into the kitchen, pinning her against the counter.

She tried her best to fight him off, pushing at him and even kicking, but Tommy was a powerful source to battle against, the pure anger driving him was ten times stronger than her, his hands raved at her dress, pulling the straps, ripping the fabric, ruining it. The sudden fear that struck through her left her defenseless when he grabbed her by her jaw and wiped the red lipstick right off her lips with his thumb, then slapped her with the back of his hand, making her coulter over and fall down on the ground.

-"Go put some clothes on" he yelled at her, as she held her hand over the burning mark that was forming after his slap, she was furious, standing up feeling the fabric of the dress loosen around her body.

Tommy didn't expect the punches or the kicks that Angela was laying on him now, hitting his chest and scratching at his neck and face, she screamed at him, yelled at him how much she fucking hated him for ruining everything in her life.  
-"You scared little man, you're so fucking afraid that I'll go and find something better then you, that you won't even let me go do my job, you coward" she screamed breathing heavily when he finally got a grip on her wrists.

-"Do you really think anyone wants you? Someone as screwed up and used as you" he stared her down with that angry glance of his, holding her wrists more painfully in place at each side of her body, she could sense his heart beating fast in his chest and the gritting of his teeth.

-"No man will look at you twice, your used goods, sweetheart" he added, pushing her away from him, she grabbed her shoes off the floor along with her purse.  
-"Then watch me leave" Angela headed for the stares, she was certain for the first time in her life that she was going to leave him and never come back, even if she had to move back to her sister's.

Tommy reached her at the stairs like he was reading her thoughts, running past her, she tried grabbing a hold of his t-shirt from behind, but slipped, -"Tommy" she yelled after him, letting go of her stuff in the staircase, setting to run for their bedroom.

The panic set in, he wouldn't hurt Tessa, this was between them, he would never, she kept repeating in her mind,  
-"Tommy" she ran to their bedroom, seeing him holding Tessa in his arms, the little girl was crying in total fear of the situation, -"It's okay, honey" Angela said, trying to smile, she knew that the little girl was looking at Angela's face with total horror, the lipstick was smeared and the red mark over her cheek was stinging now.

-"You wanna leave, Tessa?" Tommy asked her, whipping her tears away and rocking her a bit on his hip, the little girl shook her head, exposing more tears.  
-"Auntie Angie has had enough, she wants to leave us"

Angela's stomach dropped, she couldn't believe this was happening, -"No, that is not true, Tommy!"

He came closer to Angela with Tessa's arms reaching for her aunt, only to get pulled away from her as Tommy walked passed her and back downstairs.

-"Tommy, please, don't do this, she has nothing to do with this" Angela was now in full tears from the panic, screaming at him scaring Tessa even more so that the little girl was crying harder and shrieking Angela's name.

-"Give her to me" Angela yelled at him trying to take her from his arms when they got to the living room again, but Tommy put his hand up between their bodies, -"You said you wanted to leave, now pack your stuff, and say goodbye to Tessa"

-"Auntie" Tessa cried, trying to reach for Angela, who was in tears and panic,  
-"For fuck sakes, Tommy, this has nothing to do with her, this is between you and I, she's not your child, she's my niece, now give her to me" she tried taking Tessa away from him again, but he grabbed a violent hold of her arm twisting it back, making her wince at him, which made Tessa cry out even louder, -"Stop it"

-"You are scaring her" Angela swallowed sharply, staring at the man holding her down, he was dead in there, his eyes where glassy and he wasn't showing any remorse.

-"Don't worry, Tessa, you'll get to say goodbye to auntie Angie and stay here with me" Tommy said to the little girl with a coy smile, then letting go of Angela, who rubbed her arm where his grip had taken her.

Tessa was full-on sobbing, as Tommy kissed her forehead, -"Go on, say bye"  
-"Fine, I'll stay, for Christ sakes, just give her to me" Angela pleaded when she saw the little girl's relief, and Tommy exchanged Tessa to her, Tessa's little body clung onto Angela sobbing and shaking. –"its okay, baby, its okay"

Tommy took a new grasp of Angela's arm, -"If you so much as think about leaving, I'll take her with me, and you won't ever see her again, you understand"  
Angela ripped herself away from him, not giving him an answer, she was furious and already plotting how to get out of this predicament she was placed in, having to call her boss and tell her she wouldn't be able to work tonight, then trying to consul Tessa who wouldn't stop crying for about an hour after the whole scene had happened.

Angela locked herself in the bathroom downstairs, next to Tessa's room, seeing the fresh bruise on her face, along with the bruises on her arms, the tired horror in her eyes when she noticed how puffy they where, she never cried, not for anything, but seeing him taking Tessa away from her like that scared Angela beyond belief.

Cleaning herself up, the anger grew even more, the more bruises on her body she found due to Tommy, she never noticed them before now, and it snapped in her thinking about how he so forcefully used Tessa against her. She wouldn't let him ever do that to her again.

Angela put her t-shirt on her body, walking over to the kitchen, pouring up a shot of whiskey from Tommy's stash between the glasses, and then grabbed a thick carving knife hanging under the kitchen shelves.

She looked at it, firmly placing it in her hand gripping around it.

Then she walked up the steps calmly, even if she was replaying the violent former event's over and over in her head, this was it, she had, had it, opening the door to their bedroom, Angela saw Tommy's sleeping on his back, she closed the door after her, leaving only the vague light from the streets that was shining through the windows to guide her.

The cold steel of the knife pressed against the outside of her thigh she gripped the shaft harder as she sat down on her side of the bed, looking at his sleeping face. Gently straddling him, she put the knife up to his chest, pushing the edge of it into his warm skin, it awake him and he looked up at her, like he had been expecting this.

His hands trading up her thighs as he clutched onto her, -"Go on" he whispered grabbing a hold of her thighs; she thought he would at least protest, beg for his life at most, but nothing.

-"If you hate me this much, I'm better off dead" his thumb was stroking the skin of her thigh in calming circles, like if she ever killed him, she would forever remember him being calm and doing things only a loving boyfriend would like stroke her thigh with his fingers.

That son of a bitch, she thought to herself, while letting go of the knife, Tommy took it from her, putting it on the floor next to their bed, before he stood up a little, with her still attached to him, -"If you wanna hurt me, hit me"

Her hand bounced on his chest, hard, once, then twice, -"How could you use her against me?"  
Tommy settled up more, pulling Angela closer by her hips, -"Again" he said, when she slapped him once across the face, -"You hit me, you swore you would never do it, and over something as stupid as me going to work"

She rested her hands on his chest, feeling the fabric of the wife beater under her fingertips.  
-"I need you to let me go, Tommy"  
-"No" he said sharply, putting both of his hands around her waistline, digging into her,  
-"Then something's gotta give, because I can't live like this, Tessa is terrified of you"  
Tommy's hands moved up her back, pushing her flat onto him, this was unusual for him to do, so she knew he was sorry, she rested tensely on his chest, as he eased back down into the bed, pulling the covers over her body.

-"She'll survive, I did!"  
Angela hit him again, making him react under her and squeeze her tighter, -"You are not Paddy Conlon, you are Tommy Conlon, how many fucking times do I have to tell you and I'm not gonna let Tessa grow up in fear like you did, then I rather kill you first"

Tommy's hands flat on the small of her back as Angela tried to find her peace with him, he was comfortable to sink into, with a wide chest and sturdy muscles to hold her, and this was how she remembered why she loved him in the first place. Tommy was safe, as much as he was dangerous.

He breathed steady under her as she buried her nose into his neck, trying to put the bad thoughts away, -"You still wanna leave?" he asked into her shoulder, kissing it gently, Angela had to admit it, she was pudding in his hands when he tried to be sweet to her.

–"If you touch me again or Tessa, I will"

Tommy grunted under her, she saw that sleep was getting to him, this was how he would be, once she touched him, he slept like a baby, -"You hear me?" she whispered into his ear looking up at his profile, he grunted again, laying his hand higher up on her shoulder to hug her more.

-"I've had horrible nightmares" he stated, -"I keep picturing pop's in hell, burning away, and just as I reach him, to save him, I wake up and every night I can't ever reach him"

Angela listened to him, as he spoke with his eyes closed, -"When you sleep on me, I don't see it, I feel better"  
-"It's the booze, Tommy, it makes you like this"  
He grunted shortly again, -"It aint worth shit without you, kid"  
-"You know" she said kissing his chest under her, he was warm like always.

–"If you ever leave me, I won't make it" he mumbled, letting his head fall on hers, -"I'll die"  
-"I don't want to make it without you, Ange, but I can't make it without drinking either"


End file.
